Bash Compactor: Die Young, Stay Pretty

“I have a bomb. If it doesn’t go well, I’m gonna kill everyone including you so you can’t tell anyone about it.”

If you see sthng, say sthng?

What Sank the Shank?

a. coke dick

b. "a steady flow of mismanagement"

c. poorly behaved teenagers

d. all of the above 

Bash Compactor: Trouble and Birth

“I’m eating a red velvet chocolate cake that tastes like the blood of Hello Kitty,” she yelled over the pounding dub step. “Want some?” 

Bash Compactor: Dunn Deal

Jancee Dunn used to be on MTV and then she wrote a book. Now she has written another book.

Bash Compactor: Nice Beaver

Hardy harr harr. 

Bash Compactor: Air Sex World Championships

Air sex is like air guitar, but instead of playing an imaginary guitar, you're fucking your imaginary friend. It was actually v. entertaining. Warning: man ass content.

Pubic Air

Viceland Blog

I just realized I've never posted any of the things I've written for the Vice blog in here. Why not? After all, as Lesley Arfin once said, Vice is The Fonz of magazines. I guess I was kind of scared my family might find some of the scandalous things I've written and call me up to verify I'm not a virgin anymore or something. I also don't want them knowing what a cynical fuck I've become. But the older I get, the less I care about these matters. Here are a few articles I've written for Fonzie.

Austin: the Really Crazy Shit

Gran Boobs

Wear Dare (This appeared in the 2009 fashion issue. The one with the pig on the cover).