You do win friends with salad.

But not just any salad. Christmas Salad. This is the healthiest thing to ever appear in Vice.

Sundelles Feature!

"Do you like Bauhaus? Yeah? Let's watch a video."

Bash Compactor: Dark Days

Waxing nostalgic for the good old days is as important a rite of passage for any freshly minted New Yorker as learning the subway system or ordering drugs.

I checked out some art for Vice the other night. Awesome pagan Christmas art.

FLAMING FIRE PRESENTS ETERNAL CHRISTMAS: A YULETIDE DREAMLAND

Bash Compactor: The Shank 2.0

“I just got back from Princeton. Have you seen Animal House? I got asked for ‘Shout’ like three times.” 

Bash Compactor: Big Papa

Rumor has it Utzman's charm was not enough to keep the peace into the wee hours, when a man drunk on hubris and Tecates took a swing at him but was quickly ejected. 

Bash Compactor: Sleeping Together

“Do you know when Agyness Deyn is supposed to show up?” one asked. I did not. “Who the fuck is Agyness Deyn?” asked another. As no one can ever really “know” who another person is, I did not attempt to illuminate the issue.

Faeriecon coverage in the Vice blog

As expected, it was pretty epic.

AMONG THE OAKS AND THE ELDERS

Peaches at Terminal 5

Rock and roll! Rock and roll! Rock rock rock! Rock and roll!

Jamie Does CMJ

Day One

Day Two

Day Three

Days Four+Five

Built to Spill at Webster Hall

The plan keeps coming up again...

What Costume Shall the Poor Girl Wear

to All Tomorrow's Parties New York '09?

Day One

Day Two

Day Three

Bash Compactor: Best Bets

In which I speak with Rufus from Gossip Girl and he tells me his acting secrets.

OMG CAT SHOW!

Viceland.com: CAT SHOW!

In Case You Just Can't Get Enough of Me

I made a Tumblr. It contains my important thoughts and feelings on a wide variety of topics. Let's be Internet friends.

Night of 1,000 Courtney Loves...kinda.

I looked up and noticed the energetic ass fucking on the bar's television screens was in perfect sync with "Miss World." If that's not a sign that gays and Courtney go together like tiaras and prescription painkillers, I don't know what is. 

I'm Reading At Happy Ending This Friday

October 2, 7:30-8:30
QUICKIES: SHORT EROTICA
The final Quickies, in which readers have 6 minutes to wow the audience. Featuring Mark Becker, John Bredin, Jamie Peck, Deb Victoroff, and Diana Vilibert. Hosted by Rachel Kramer Bussel(Bottoms Up, Spanked, The Mile High Club). Free cupcakes from Baked by Melissa. 
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET, NYC
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey or F/V to 2nd Avenue,http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Between Forsyth & Eldridge. Look for the hot pink awning that says "XIE HE Health Club."
Admission: Free, 21+ only
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
http://www.inthefleshreadingseries.com

Come LOL with and/or at me.

The Phenomenal Handclap Band...Get Into It

What's the sound of four hands clapping?

Les Savy Fav at the New Knitting Factory

Bless your heart, Tim Harrington. Is there anything you won't do to make me smile?

Bash Compactor:Don't Eat the Cake

“Sarcastic rainbows, dirty balls, sexual no-nos. Heroin addicts, hippies, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Paris Hilton. Birthday cakes with shit on them.”

--Dynasty Handbag

Passing the Bar: Tandem

With its tasteful decor and reasonable prices, Tandem makes for a harbinger of doom even the most self-loathing of colonizers would be hard pressed to resist.

I Reviewed a Sex Toy

It was the most action I've gotten in a while. 

I'm Working on a New Thing

It's for Virtue and it's called The Switchery.

All Tomorrow's Parties

Day one

Day two

Day three

Special ATP bash compactor (now with anonymous Internet hater!)

New Interview Up in the Vice Blog

Drummer Oran Canfield has had quite the life. His dad is neither a dead jazz musician nor a crazy death metal dude, but someone even more intense: self-help guru and Chicken Soup for the Soul creator Jack Canfield. 

Bash Compactor: No Private Parts

“I’ll tell you what,” he said. “You have a presence. If you find out what we’re doing, find me, you get an interview.”

Bash Compactor: 2012 Girl Style Now

“Can we get it a little louder?” asked These Are Powers’ Pat Noecker. “All the Park Slope-ians are fast asleep, I’m sure we won’t wake them.” 

Flavor of the Week: Student Bodies

Warning: contains graphic description of some really bad sex I had.

Passing the Bar: Satellite Lounge

For those who take their quest to find the perfect watering hole dead seriously, “just a bar” is an understatement tantamount with “just the Great American Novel,” “just the zombie apocalypse” or “just true, eternal, burning, passionate love.You know, a bit of that sort of thing.Whatevs.”

Bash Compactor: Mad World

“I love Mad Men, and I love free alcohol. I’m drunk at noon every day, just like the people on that show.”

Bash Compactor: Citizen P

Matt and Kim managed to remain adorable even as they quarreled over whether or not Kim was to defecate into a plastic bag. 

All Points West Recap

Day two of the festival began for me in the form of a jacked fellow in a camo headband and possibly under the influence of PCP screaming "TOOL!" every five seconds on the train. "We're gonna see Tool! TOOL! Yeah baby! Woo!" "Indoor voices," I implored him. "I know it's exciting. We're all very excited." "TOOL!" he replied. 

I'm Broke-ass Stuart's Broke-ass of the Week

Answers to questions like, "I wonder what Jamie eats when she doesn't feel like cooking?", "does Jamie take a lot of cabs?" and more.

Are you a hipster?: Hipsters don’t exist. They’re mythical beasts parents tell their kids about at bedtime in an attempt to scare them into growing up normal.

Bash Compactor: Die Young, Stay Pretty

“I have a bomb. If it doesn’t go well, I’m gonna kill everyone including you so you can’t tell anyone about it.”

If you see sthng, say sthng?

What Sank the Shank?

a. coke dick

b. "a steady flow of mismanagement"

c. poorly behaved teenagers

d. all of the above 

Bash Compactor: Trouble and Birth

“I’m eating a red velvet chocolate cake that tastes like the blood of Hello Kitty,” she yelled over the pounding dub step. “Want some?” 

Bash Compactor: Dunn Deal

Jancee Dunn used to be on MTV and then she wrote a book. Now she has written another book.

Bash Compactor: Nice Beaver

Hardy harr harr. 

Bash Compactor: Air Sex World Championships

Air sex is like air guitar, but instead of playing an imaginary guitar, you're fucking your imaginary friend. It was actually v. entertaining. Warning: man ass content.

Pubic Air

Viceland Blog

I just realized I've never posted any of the things I've written for the Vice blog in here. Why not? After all, as Lesley Arfin once said, Vice is The Fonz of magazines. I guess I was kind of scared my family might find some of the scandalous things I've written and call me up to verify I'm not a virgin anymore or something. I also don't want them knowing what a cynical fuck I've become. But the older I get, the less I care about these matters. Here are a few articles I've written for Fonzie.

Austin: the Really Crazy Shit

Gran Boobs

Wear Dare (This appeared in the 2009 fashion issue. The one with the pig on the cover).

Blank Dogs Feature

This guy makes weird, good, post punk-ish music all by his lonesome. He also runs a record label and hangs around at shows listening for new music he might like while chewing gum and generally being awesome. 

Wanna Be Yr Dog

Bash Compactor: Eternal Cool

I collaborated with my friend/colleague Matt Harvey on my B.C. piece this week...it turned out to be a lot more fun than going to a party alone. Who knew?

In which we talk to Sonic Youth and their offspring, and find out some important things.

Bash Compactor: Who's the Boss?

Making a Monkey Out of Mike Edison

(and Jon Spencer and Christina Martinez and myself, OMG)

Bash Compactor: Awkward Times With Vampire Weekend

It's awkward when you're assigned to cover a party thrown for people you kinda sorta knew in college but weren't really friends with. Fortunately, awkward usually leads to funny.

This Bites

Bash Compactor: Susanne Bartsch's Vandam Party

Trannies are the best people ever to party with but they hate the goddamn devil sun.

Mercurial Thermometers

Bash Compactor: Burning Angel Party

This party was a lot more fun than I thought it would be, and I think I got hollered at by DJ Jess.

Sex Site Celebrates Seventh

Bash Compactor: America Takes Williamsburg

Can you spot the hipster grifter at this rad photo show?

It's like the Brooklyn version of Where's Waldo.

Passing the Bar: Alligator Lounge

Alligator Lounge took over Lost and Found and the results were passable.

It hasn't lost its bite.

I.U.D. Feature

I.U.D. is Lizzie Bougatsos from Gang Gang Dance and Sadie Laska from Growing. They are amazingly creative and talented people and they got me drunk on fancy wine during the interview, which is always a plus.

Womb and Doom

Michael Pitt Has a Band

They sound a lot like Nirvana. Like, a LOT. There are worse bands to sound like. 

But don't tell them that or they'll get mad.

Grizzly Bear with the Brooklyn Philharmonic at BAM

NY Press blog

Boys! Boys! Boys!

This article came out in the NY Press yesterday...it's about the art/culture/cock site East Village Boys. Read it and tell me what you think.

Cock Culture

These Are Powers at 92Y Tribeca

This band is so fucking good, I just want to smash it. 

Lykke Li at Webster Hall

It wasn't as awesome as I'd hoped it would be, but I still found myself decently entertained.

NY Press Music Blog

Bar Review of Ella

This new spot in the East Vilage is cute, but can never take the place of Boysroom in my heart.

Passing the Bar: Ella

I Have a DJ Gig!

Soda Bar

629 Vanderbilt Ave.

Friday 1/23/09

10pm-3:30am

This bar has the feel of a '50s era soda fountain, and they serve food, too! I will most likely be goth-ing the place up with heartbreaking '80s pop and bands that sound like heartbreaking '80s pop.

Sometimes I Take Pictures

Polaroids, anyway. These are making me really nostalgic for the tour I did with Impose last spring, despite how utterly insane it was.

'Roids!

NY Press Articles

I've been writing a lot for the NY Press lately. My editor, the spectacular Adam Rathe, is just a mensch. I hope he joins a punk band again someday and calls himself Adam Wrath, because that would be awesome.

Feature on the World Inferno Friendship Society

Misshapes Takedown

Bar Review of the Richardson

WNYC Singles Night Was a Bust

But I wrote a funny article about it for The L Magazine:

Faces for Radio